Ms G
by Ereluna
Summary: From his position on the floor next to the bed, Cloud rose to his knees. Only his hair and wide mako blue eyes were visible as he stared at the still closed door from over the other side of the bed.


**I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist playing with this idea... yes, it's whacky AND far-fetched... but I DON'T CARE. The plot bunnies were merciless. :)**

**Ms. G**

Aerith hadn't really been one to keep secrets, but there were some secrets that she felt were necessary to keep. Like a couple of her own.

When she had asked Cloud to be her bodyguard, The Turks weren't the only ones that had crossed her mind. There were others that she needed to hide/protect herself from.

Of course she'd never tell Cloud that.

He'd never believe it.

No one needed to know she had done… whatever she had _done_ for a kick... a long time ago.

Heading into the bar at Costa del Sol, Aerith cast aside her thoughts, intent on having a good time. Confident that no tapes would mysteriously make their way across the ocean to bite her in the hind end.

Cloud walked down the adult aisle of the only video store in the tropical semi-paradise, eyes scanning the titles of the generic porn rip-offs of actual movies. The only reason he'd even came into that particular area of the store was because the rest of the store only held cheap no-name movies from the distant past.

Not something he wanted to waste his time watching.

Sighing to himself as he passed "Arma-get-it-on" and "Star Whores" he paused, laying his eyes upon a strange title next to the "Girls Gone Wild" section.

_Strange… "Nerds Gone Wild"?_

Shuddering at the implications but ultimately finding himself stuck, he made a quick decision. It was either the generic movie rip-offs, or something he'd never heard of, but if worse came to worse, he'd be able to laugh at it.

_Ha ha._

Picking up the box, he was surprised when it held no true label, no risque pictures on the front, nothing but "Nerds Gone Wild".

Cloud walked to the front where he bought it, then made his way to the hotel where he could watch it, and no one would hear him laughing, or retching.

_This will be fun._

Cloud kneeled on the floor as he pushed the tape into the VCR, all the while quietly preparing himself. One can never be sure.

Pressing the play button, he waited patiently for the warnings to pass before the screen was filled with the image of a eerily familiar young woman wearing coke-bottle glasses, talking math equations to a equally young man sitting behind a desk.

Her 'name' was written on the board: Ms. G

She wasn't dressed in anything risque, a knee length pleated skirt, a white dress shirt overlapped with a dark grey sweater.

It appeared as if she was seducing him as she reached into her mouth, pulling something out of it.

Cloud squinted his eyes, trying to identify the metal object before it occurred to him.

_A… retainer?!_

She pulled it out, and waved it around 'sexily' before walking to the young man's desk and placing it on the surface.

Bored with the movie already, Cloud pushed the fast-forward button, watching the screen. Before he'd known it, the credits were done rolling and a dedication had come up.

"_To all the nerds in Sector 5_

_I hope even this didn't give you all a nose-bleed._

_-Aerith Gainsborough (aka Ms. G)"_

The blonde did a double take. Shaking his head, he pressed rewind, past the credits straight back to the scene where Ms. G had taken her retainer out.

_It's… not… it is… Aerith._

_Aerith did nerd porn!_

Before he knew what was happening, laughter was spilling out of him and he couldn't stop. He laughed.

Tifa knocked on the door, asking what was going on, and he couldn't answer. He couldn't move to answer the door.

Then he heard Aerith's slightly slurred voice, mutterings of rabid nerd attacks and red-headed roosters that wouldn't leave her alone.

The laughter suddenly stopped.

From his position on the floor next to the bed, Cloud rose to his knees. Only his hair and wide mako blue eyes were visible as he stared at the still closed door from over the other side of the bed.

_What the hell?_

He then looked back to the paused image of Ms. G holding her retainer over her head, whirling it around.

Moving to eject the tape, Cloud placed it in his carry-along bag, careful to stash it underneath everything else.

When the time came, he'd reveal his knowledge.

Just not now, not when he could look at her, snicker, and she not know why.

_Ha ha._

* * *

Gasp! Aerith in porn, and Cloud watching porn! Dear me, the world is ending!!!! LOL What do you think? 


End file.
